Act 4:
Campaign '04

ACT 4, SCENE 1: The "Compassionate" Conservative

SCENE: The mind of George W. Bush, 2004. Bush finds himself in the embarrassing position of being in a virtual tie with a contender who really isn't that well-known to most Americans. He frantically campaigns around the country, trying to convince people that he hasn't fouled up the entire situation in the Middle East, and that he's not gouging them to pay for a tax break for the wealthiest Americans. Though his lips are saying one thing, his mind is thinking quite another, harking back to the words of his father during the 1984 Vice-Presidential debate....

(to the tune of Fly Me To The Moon)

Whine on, harvest moon
And don't you pee on our parade
From the sweat of laborers
Our fortunes will be made
In other words
"Trickle down"
In other words
People, bite me

Fill our vaults with cash
And let us spend forever more
Money's all we long for
All we worship and adore
In other words
We'll tax you
In other words
You're so screwed


ACT 4, SCENE 2: Osama bin Forgotten

SCENE: The White House, 2004. The American people are growing less satisfied with Bush's performance, now that the weapons of mass destruction have turned out to be weapons of mass deception, 9/11 has been used as an excuse to make big government even bigger and infringe upon people's rights, and (adding insult to injury) Osama bin Laden is still at large. Despite all this MISERABLE FAILURE, Bush is undaunted; he's already talking about putting weapons in space (reviving Reagan's ill-fated "star wars" program), and possibly moving into Iran. But pointing out any of this insanity will result in conservatives accusing you of being un-American -- despite the fact that the entire point of America is that it's a nation where freedom of speech is guaranteed. To help promote the notion that all good Americans must salute everything Dubya does, the people behind the Republican Party propaganda machine raise their voices in song to celebrate their "great" leader, to the tune of Spike Jones' World War II classic....

(to the tune of Der Führer's Face)

CLICK HERE to hear the song!

When der Dubya says
Those weapons we must trace
We heil! Heil! Right in der Dubya's face
Not to love der Dubya
Is a great disgrace
So we heil! Heil! Right in der Dubya's face

When der Dubya says
Hussein we must replace
We heil! Heil! Right in der Dubya's face
When der Dubya says
Let's bomb another place!
We heil! Heil! Right in der Dubya's face

Are we not der Christian men
Holy and pure Christian men?
Ja we are der Christian men
Right-wing Nazi Christian men!
Wasn't Hitler's land so good?
Would you leave it, if you could?
Ja, Der Führer's land was good
Wouldn't leave it if we could!

We bring the world to order
Heil Dubya's world to order
Everyone of foreign race
Now hates Der Dubya's face
As he brings to the world disorder

When der Dubya says
Those weapons were misplaced
We heil! Heil! Right in der Dubya's face
When der Dubya says
Put "star wars" up in space!
We heil! Heil! Right in der Dubya's face

When der Dubya says
Osama must be chased
We heil! Heil! Right in der Dubya's face
When der Dubya says
He's gone without a trace
We heil! Heil! Right in der Dubya's face


ACT 4, SCENE 3: The Smear Boat Veterans For Untruth

SCENE: Somewhere in America, August 2004. To hear the "Swift Boat Veterans For (Un)Truth" tell it, men like Van O'Dell (who weren't even on the same ship as Kerry!) apparently had nothing better to do than watch every move he made, even during the heat of combat, so that they could use their "observations" against him three decades later. Before their book was even published, one of the vets, George Elliot, started backpedaling, saying that perhaps he was too hasty in faxing his signed affadavit. Whatever....

Appalled by the smear campaign being launched by these pathetic vets, John Kerry's shipmates gather to bitch about this latest attack against him--which is largely financed by longtime GOP contributor and Texas home builder, Bob Perry. Not that it was unexpected, for the Bush/Cheney campaign is getting desperate to gain ground in the neck-and-neck campaign. Just as these men are wondering aloud how much lower the Republicans could possibly sink, they're joined by a living breathing answer to their question: Max Cleland.

Cleland, you may recall, lost 2 legs and an arm in Vietnam for our country--and lost 1 election in this country, thanks to the GOP's sleaziest campaign ever. To quote USA Today, "Cleland lost his re-election bid in Georgia in 2002 after Republicans ran ads with pictures of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein that blamed him for thwarting President Bush's plans for a Homeland Security Department. Kerry and other Democrats rushed to his defense, accusing the GOP of questioning the patriotism of the severely wounded veteran. Republicans eventually edited bin Laden and Saddam out of the ads."

To lend each other moral support and comfort, the brave vets raise their voices in song....

(to the tune of The Star-Spangled Banner)

Oh, say can you see
How suspicious it seems?
On the swift boats, they watched
Nothing but John F. Kerry

Now, to get his bronze star
Van O'Dell says he lied
Ain't it odd that this ad
Was financed by Bob Perry

And the rockets' red glare
The bombs bursting in air
Who cared about them?
Not when Kerry was there

Oh, say do those swift boat vets
Never get tired
Of their slanderous attacks
On the man we admire?


ACT 4, SCENE 4: Convention-al Wisdom

SCENE: Boston, July 2004 and NYC, August 2004. When Bush said he was a uniter and not a divider, the only instance in which this came true was the one that he least anticipated or wanted. The Democratic party became united, for once -- against him. Meanwhile, the Republicans' party platform remained the same manual of intolerance and hatred, despite all the failures of the Bush/Cheney regime. And -- judging by the numerous reports of drivers threatening people Kerry bumper stickers, and thefts of Kerry/Edwards signs from people's front yards -- it appears that the definition of "compassionate conservativism" is "lie, cheat, and steal your way to victory".

(to the tune of You're A Grand Old Flag)

We're the Democrats
And despite all our spats
We are running united as one
A major push
To dethrone Bush
The battle has only begun
For the right-wing fools
Are devoid of a clue
And their motives are so obscene
Now we dare to say this war is wrong
And it's all thanks to Howard Dean

We're the Democrats
And the Patriot Act
Is the first step toward martial law
Hey, Bush, confess
Your war's a mess
And you have no plan to withdraw
No, the GOP
Doesn't fool you and me
Though they act like
They're such good guys
But should Bush and Cheney win again
We can kiss all our rights goodbye


(to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy)

We're all Bush and Cheney voters
For Bush and Cheney, till we die
We're right-wing
Homophobes until the end
Kerry should be crucified
Yes, we're all Bush and Cheney voters
Bush and Cheney reign supreme
We don't care what
Facts and figures
Say about our heroes
For they're the leaders of our dreams

We're all Bush and Cheney voters
We love our country's basic rights
But if a Democrat should speak his mind
He's in for such a surprise
Steal the Kerry/Edwards yard signs
Steal their bumper stickers, too
We hate gays and anybody
With opposing viewpoints
'Cause we are fascists
Through and through




ACT I: The 1980's

ACT II: The 1990's

ACT III: D-Dubya-I

ACT IV: Campaign '04

ACT IV (Part 2)


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