George W. Bush Virtual Pet

The toy no
Republican
should be
without:
The  Bushagotchi!

Forget about that lame rehashed version of the Tamagotchi that's in toy stores now. This is THE hot seller of Campaign 2004...your very own George W. Bush virtual pet! Now you no longer need to be a corporate lobbyist to have "Dubya" in the palm of your hand! If you don't qualify to take the Loyalty Oath that will allow you to attend one of the President's rallies while he criss-crosses the country on the "Screw The Middle Class Tour '04", the Bushagotchi is the next best thing!

Just look at all the fun interactive games you can play with your George W. Bush virtual pet:

  • To bring your virtual President to life, press the "Loyalty Oath" reset button. Otherwise, he'll refuse to have anything to do with you...just like the real Bush!

  • In Death Row mode, play a rousing game of "Fry The Retarded Woman"! Then you and Dubya can make fun of her as she pleads for mercy!

  • Play "Hunt Down Osama" and try to work your way to the next level: "Osama bin Forgotten"!

  • After you let Osama slip through your fingers, save face by invading Iraq in the "Vietnam II" game...but be careful not to get bogged down in a quagmire!

  • Exercise Dubya by having him fall of his mountain bike and a Segway scooter. Then put a bandage on his face, to make him all better!

  • Ask him anything, and he'll spout off the same tired responses, even if they're totally irrelevant to your question:
    • "My opponent keeps changing his position!"
    • "My opponent is more liberal than Ted Kennedy!"
    • "The world is better off without Saddam Hussein!"
    • "Most of the tax cuts went to low- and middle-income Americans!"
    • "Freedom is on the march!"
    • "I'm a strong believer in legal reform!"
    • "He can run, but he can't hide!"
    • "He voted to increase taxes 98 times!"
    • "Our health-care system is the envy of the world!"
    • "You forgot Poland!"

  • Pretend you're Karl Rove, and plug the Debate Answer Battery Pack (sold separately) into your Bushagotchi's back!

  • If you disagree with your Bushagotchi, he'll scowl, sigh, or throw a temper tantrum, just like he did during the second Presidential debate!

  • WARNING: Although the Bushagotchi can be attached to virtual pets of other foreign leaders in order to communicate with them, he will ultimately reject them and short them out, because he prefers to go it alone.

 

 

 
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ACT I: The 1980's

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ACT III: D-Dubya-I

ACT IV: Campaign '04

ACT IV (Part 2)

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